overwhelmed

During days like this...
when everything is just so overwhelmed,
It is the day I wish to pack my stuff
and disappear...

Where nobody can find me,
where nobody can instruct me,
where nobody knows me...

Perhaps...
this is the very reason I keep on wanting to run,
to be in a foreign place,
Where I am a foreigner,
& everyone else too.

Feeling really hollow here,
everyday chasing after illusion,
illusions created by mankind,
an illusion that gives hope,
hoping it will provide:
freedom, happiness, love...

But when the days end,
How sure of you that
you have grasp:
freedom, happiness, love...
& How sure of you that
you can carry it to your grave?

I am simply overwhelmed...

my hair

my hair now looks just like this:



just like the tree branches in autumn: dry, split-end & brittle :(

choices

to say "I'm not doing well here, let's go back" or "I'm doing well here, I don't want to go back" is just too cruel...

to wait is a torture...

to choose is a torture too...

Money or God? Stability or dreams chasing?

To say "of course I'll choose this" is easy... but when it happens, will you still stay true to your word?

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil 1Timothy 6:10

fire alarm

No word can describe how shocked I was this morning when I was awoken by the fire alarm in the hotel at 4am in the morning.
Even right now, the thought of how the alarm sounds frighten me..

Being the only person in charge at night & looking after the wellfare of 22 guests is not easy at all.. Worst when you are not trained about the fire procedures.

But I did my best to solve it and used the best of my brain to think logical solution at 4am in the morning.

The owner is not happy at all.
Some guests are not happy and upset at how I handle the situation.
They complaint and most probably going to take it up to the Health & safety or Fire dept.
:(

I need something to calm me down... :(

But for all of you, let this be a lesson as well... If you are put in charge of something or travelling, find out about the fire procedure or any emergency procedures... don't be a blur cow like me..

Lesson learnt hard & well...

run away

in my earlier post, i wrote that i want to run away.. that's when I was still stuck in Penang.. thinking that after I run away from there to UK, I'll be better, I'll be ok... but now... seems that the same thought come back and haunt me again...

What is wrong?

new toy

camping on Saturday backfire abit.... because of the sudden rain....

He's quite dissapointed... so Sunday, we went to Qbay and he bought himself a new toy!!

Micro 1030 from Olympus! It's waterproof, crush-proof, shock-proof & freeze-proof somemore..

don't play play ar... hehe..

This kind of camera is more suitable for him lor... rather than the big big DSRL thingy which he will spoil it in no time due to his clumsiness...

Next mission: he say now since got waterproof cam, must go diving liaw...

*faint*

Mount Sinai

I was suddenly awake and someone whisperred something and i only managed to catch the word "Mount Sinai"
What does it mean?

Mount Sinai is the place where God gave the 10 commandments to the people of Israel after He had delivered them from slavery in Egypt.

Exodus 20
1 And God spoke all these words:
2 "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
3 "You shall have no other gods before me.
4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments. 7 "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
8 "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
13 "You shall not murder.
14 "You shall not commit adultery.
15 "You shall not steal.
16 "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Perhaps it's His way of reminding me not to commit sin and to observe these 10 commandments.
"Lord, I'm sorry. Please forgive me for I have sinned. I don't need to declare these sins, but You know what I've done & what my sinful thoughts are. Thank you for Your reminder. Amen"

What we can do to help

Watching news lately is a very disturbing matter. Wars, natural disaster, politics, crime and economy: All these only brings bad news.
Watching how the China people still searching for their love one underneath all the ruins are heart wrenching.
Imagine yourself in their shoes.
Imagine your love one is trapped somewhere out there.
Imagine yourself being trapped down there.
Imagine no food & no water for 3 or 4 days, with limited air.

We are very lucky to be here. still able to go to work, like nothing happen. Drive nice car, dine in fancy restaurant, has the luxury to choose wht you wish to eat. has the luxury to choose what BRAND of mineral water you want, what flavor of soft drink you like, even has the luxury to loose weight and goes on diet.

What are you willing to do to help to make this world a slightly better place?
- Pray. Pray for the lost souls. pray for those that have lost their love one. pray for those that are trapped underneath.
- Don't waste food. if you can't finish it, share. Sharing is caring.
- Donate to proper channel to ensure that the money goes to the right person.
- Switch off things that you don't need to use. If you are in your room, switch off the light in your hall, your dining room, kitchen, switch off your fan, air-con, TV if you are not going to watch it.
- Use timer for Air-con. yes, i know the weather in Malaysia is too freaking hot. If you really need to use air-con, use timer, so that you just use it for a limited time only rather than switching it on for the whole night or whole day.
- Enjoy the morning breeze. If the traffic is not too heavy, wind down the window and enjoy some outside air.
- recycle. the most basic thing. if the paper only have 1 side of printing, use the other page for either another printing or use it to write down messages, rather than taking a fresh paper to do so.
- Water. In the end, it's still water. doesn't matter if the brand is X, Y or Z. ingredient is still the same: water, H2O, air.

what else you can think of? These are the things i've been practicing. Anything that you guys practice that I don't know? please share.

stupid entry

Today CG during prayers time, they pray for him for UK trip....

erm... what about me... I'm going too... i need job wisdom too...i need directions too.

I guess the CG actually will miss him more than me. As without him, left Andrew to play guitar. With or without me, CG can still pretty much survive. In fact, it won't make much difference... just short of 1 people.. that's all.

I guess the feeling that i'm feeling now is unappreciated. :(

or maybe I'm jealous of him? siau... jealous of own bf...

I don't know what I'm talking abt now... damn...

I think I'm being insecure again...

PMS coming?

can i cry?

Pictures from Water rafting on 10th May

my friend complain that my blog so boring.. no pictures to see....
nah... i give u many many pictures lar... see me until u puke... happy?


putting the life jacket & helmet on for safety

the life jacket looks a bit small for him eh?

Briefing

body rafting

joker of the day : Alex

baboon of the day: Dom

Instructor of the day: Joseph

Photographer of the day: Jason

The one and only stall there

That's how we carry our raft.. with style... yeah..

rating in action..

rafting in action

rafting in action

The group photo

From left: Joseft, Wei Liang, Dom, Jenn, Alex, Hui Ling, Jason

Weekend

i went to water rafting with the Maps people on last saturday. They are a great bunch of people or at least i think they are.. hehe.. Joseph is the person in charge for that day as he's the one that has most knowledge on this activity. He taught us on doing rescue, climbing up to the raft, body rafting.

We managed to sqeeze 3 rounds of water rafting on that day and it's damn tired. The first round, i'm on the same raft with Joseph, Hui Ling & Wei Liang. Our raft a bit senget because Wei Liang is bigger size and the 3 of us are smaller size compare to him.. hehe.. at one of the rapids, our raft hit the rocks and me & hui Ling was thrown out of the raft... hehe... that was fun, so they actually have to do rescue on us.. :p

Dom is in another raft with Jason & Alex. Their raft got stuck and Dom has to go down and push the raft. As he pushed it away, the raft also floats away without him...haha... the sight is really hillarious...

All and all, i enjoyed myself on that outing and evening time, we drove back to Dom's grandma's place to spend a night there. I always love seeing her cause despite the old age and the laidback kampung living condition, she's always smilling and happy... :)

men & women

ya ya... my day 2 of KK is not up yet... it's taking longer than i thought because don't have the photos with me.. be patient ok darlings! :)

Man & woman think differently... don't you all agree? very good example of what happen last night...

Last night, we met up at QB to have dinner and suppose to shop together for tonight's gathering. But because he got work to do, so i do the shopping alone.. that's fine with me cos I actually prefer to shop without a man rushing me to finish off.. man.. ish... gotta learn to be patient lar these people..

anyway... after shopping, i was expecting him to go to my place to help out in preparing the ingredient.. ended up... i finish doing everything already.. 11pm.. still no sign of him, no phone call..

me being the more sensitive half, was a little worried.. you know.. JUST in case something happen to him or caught up in heavy workload, decided to call and check on him...

Conversation as below:

Me : hello... eh.. where r u now?

Him: at home lar.. where else...

Me: oh.. just checking lor... bla..bla...bla

Him: bla..bla..bla... so finish doing the preparation already? what r u doing now?

Me: Yalor.. going to sleep liaw...

Him: then why u call?

Me: wah lau... call to see if u are ok o not lar... no phone call, not coming to help... thought something happen to you lar...

what the *toot* right??!!!! I think if 1 day i disappear lar or kena kidnapped... he probably will only find out on the newspaper and not when he can't call me...

#(@&#%!@!

damn piss!

sick

:(

i hate fever...

temp: 39.9 degree..

come on body... faster faster get well... how to hike KK like this??

Detox plan aborted

If you notice, i haven't mention anything about Day 4 & Day 5 of my detox plan...
That's because....
I screw it... wahahhahahaha....
It takes alot of determination to go on a bloody diet...
But I'm quite proud of myself being able to survive 3 days of fruits and vege with 2 days of gym & hiking... =D
I think i should join "Survivors".... Do they still have this program on?

Day 3

this is my 3rd day of Detox... i wanna die de...
KFC is playing in my mind, cow is running around too, ice-cream and chocolate is swimming in it..

How did vegetarian survive without eating meat?

Oh gosh.. walking also one kind de... cham...

He's not helping either... yesterday, we agreed to go hiking. He said he'll go and fetch me.
The moment i open the door, there he is, tearing off the fried chicken... my god... it smells sooo good... so tempted to give in de... how could he??? :(
What kind of BF is this??!!?

day 2 of detox

Yesterday was a tough day...

damn... of all the days... they choose to cook good food on my first day of diet..

bummer...

i "kantoi" my diet by popping 2 sinful chocs into my mouth...

wah... pure bliss..

He's suppose to be on the same plan too... but unfortunately... tiger, being a tiger, he can't resist meat... tsk tsk... i should have know earlier....

as i told everyone, asking him to go on diet is like asking a tiger to become vegetarian... kua..kua..kua..

For me, i'll continue my detox plan with more detox tea & more fruits & vege....

meehh...

Detox plan

Today is my first day of my Detox program..
The purpose of this detox program basically is to spring clean myself after all the junk food i've been feeding myself on since CNY... :s
I started my day with only 2 oranges and 1 cup of detox tea.
My lunch later will be 4 small size bananas.
Dinner should be celery & carrots.
My weight this morning is 56kg (according to my home scale lar... usually in the gym will be another 3kg more... which one is more accurate... i also don't know...but i prefer to see smaller numbers.. :p)
let's see how much i can lose in these 5 days...
please don't tempt me with chocolates, KFC, McDonalds & Ice Cream, else don't blame me if i become violence! :s

Who should i be?

Chinese New Year is coming soon... In few days time, i'm flying home.

I dunno why, I don't feel like going home now. I miss home, but I feel pressured. I forgot my flight schedule.

Somehow, my cousins whom we were very close last time suddenly become a snob.

The pressure to look good and display of fashion is there. I don't have the mood to shop for clothes. No fancy dress, no fancy shoes, no fancy jewelries.
I guess that's just me: Nothing fancy at all.

What sort of person I am? I'm not sure...

What does God wants me to be? Is this how He wants me to be?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~

He's moving out today. How am i feeling? Hmm.. sad i guess, but i'm ok.

I shouldn't be sad, otherwise it will be a pressure to him.

I won't be sad, otherwise he might think that i depend too much on him.

I shouldn't be too happy too, as he might think that I'm being insensitive.

How sensitive should i be actually? I don't know. It's too objective to be measured.

He seems very happy about it this time. It's good.

Chin Yin is right. I should let him be in his own cave. If we are meant to be, little things like this won't be able to break us off.

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:6

somewhere in between

2 more days and another wedding bells will be heard.

Yup, one by one, my friends are entering the marriage group! It's a joyful occasion, i couldn't agree more.

We've been together for 3 years, if you ask us any plan to settle down, we probably give you a silly grin. Marriage plan seems sooo far away from us now. We haven't even sorted out our life, why even plan for a wedding? Do i want to get married? Er... yes, i guess but not now. I'm turning 26 this year, yes.. shut up, I'm getting old. :(

Argghh!!!!! I'm getting old! oh no... I''ll be 26 this year... damn...

What have i achieve?

*Thinking**Thinking**Thinking**Thinking**Thinking**Thinking*

ZZZzzzz..

no career, only got a Myvi, a laptop, a tiny little bit of savings, credit card debt still unclear..

How pathetic...

Pain

I think my Emo cloud has passed now.... Why i say so?

Cause i'm having period pain....

x_x

sob sob... pain...