Who should i be?

Chinese New Year is coming soon... In few days time, i'm flying home.

I dunno why, I don't feel like going home now. I miss home, but I feel pressured. I forgot my flight schedule.

Somehow, my cousins whom we were very close last time suddenly become a snob.

The pressure to look good and display of fashion is there. I don't have the mood to shop for clothes. No fancy dress, no fancy shoes, no fancy jewelries.
I guess that's just me: Nothing fancy at all.

What sort of person I am? I'm not sure...

What does God wants me to be? Is this how He wants me to be?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~

He's moving out today. How am i feeling? Hmm.. sad i guess, but i'm ok.

I shouldn't be sad, otherwise it will be a pressure to him.

I won't be sad, otherwise he might think that i depend too much on him.

I shouldn't be too happy too, as he might think that I'm being insensitive.

How sensitive should i be actually? I don't know. It's too objective to be measured.

He seems very happy about it this time. It's good.

Chin Yin is right. I should let him be in his own cave. If we are meant to be, little things like this won't be able to break us off.

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:6

somewhere in between

2 more days and another wedding bells will be heard.

Yup, one by one, my friends are entering the marriage group! It's a joyful occasion, i couldn't agree more.

We've been together for 3 years, if you ask us any plan to settle down, we probably give you a silly grin. Marriage plan seems sooo far away from us now. We haven't even sorted out our life, why even plan for a wedding? Do i want to get married? Er... yes, i guess but not now. I'm turning 26 this year, yes.. shut up, I'm getting old. :(

Argghh!!!!! I'm getting old! oh no... I''ll be 26 this year... damn...

What have i achieve?

*Thinking**Thinking**Thinking**Thinking**Thinking**Thinking*

ZZZzzzz..

no career, only got a Myvi, a laptop, a tiny little bit of savings, credit card debt still unclear..

How pathetic...

Weird dream

Weird dreams again.

I dream about my grandpa. He passed away few years ago.

I saw him in pain. Lying on a bed, bone structure all crooked. It's a horrible sight.

Then he asked me, why haven't i been visiting him? I said sorry. I said I was caught up with workload and no holidays.

He's upset. I dare not touch him for he looked so fragile.
Then my dad came in to open up the window to let air in.

I went outside with Chin Yin to have dinner.

After dinner, i went back in the room. I don't know where the room is. It's not familiar at all. Then the doctor came. He's slowly slipping into coma and passed away. My dad says that he went away in peace.

Then a voice in the background ask:
Why I didn't tell him about Christ? It sounds like grandpa. I told the voice, I don't know.

Then my phone alarm rang and I woke up, pondering the last question.

I haven't shared Christ with anyone at all.

UK Plans

Last weekend, we went back to KL to meet with his aunty that came back from UK for holiday.
Meeting up with her and seeing pictures there makes my heart aching to go there even more.

It makes me wonder sometimes.

Why am i so bored with my life?
Why am i so bored with my job?
How does people cope with their routine job?
Does people do their work just for the sake of working to pay their bills?
Or they just continue to work for the sake of job security?
How can someone do the same job for the past 10 years?
Or they have a better mentality about their job than me?
Don't they get bored?

I wonder...

day in day out

day in day out... i'm just thinking of UK
day in day out... i'm just thinking of quiting my job
day in day out... i'm just thinking of my business plan
day in day out... i'm just thinking of waysto get away
day in day out... i'm just thinking of ways to get that amount of $$
day in day out... i'm just thinking of ways to break free

Is everyone else like this too or is it just me?

Pain

I think my Emo cloud has passed now.... Why i say so?

Cause i'm having period pain....

x_x

sob sob... pain...

Conversation of the day

Conversation over the phone between me & a customer:

PART I:

Me: Hi, Thank you for calling X computer, how can i help you?
He: I want to buy a Z computer.
Me: Sir, you called X computer, we only sell X computers
He: Oh, is it? Why is that?
Me: (shake my head...) Because Z is not our brand
He: oh.. what is the difference?
Me: (shake my head harder) It's just brand different
He: Do you know what they sell there?
Me: (thinking of killing him already) Sir, WE ONLY SELL X COMPUTERS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT DO THEY SELL.
He: Oh.. what do you sell then?

*Then I went on and explain to him the specifications of our computer.

PART II

Me: This laptop has 160GB hard drive
He: What is that?
Me: This is where you keep your files
He: oh... how wide is it? my files are 2 meters high
Me: (Scratch my head, thinking that he must be joking) Is this your first computer
He: Yes. I've never use a computer before.
Me: Ok. So does that mean that you store your files in physical documents.
He: Yes. so how do i get those in the laptop? Is there any slots that i can put it in?
Me: You can manually type those in or scan it in.
He: Oh... so you can't put the documents in one by one..
Me: (Nearly die of stroke because of him) No, but you can scan those in with a scanner
He: Oh... what's a scanner...

Now you should know why i want to kill my customers!

Sinful night

Last night was pretty sinful. I was suppose to be sleeping by 8pm as I have to get up at 4am to work. Toss & turn, toss & turn until 9.30pm, he came back from work. It's frustrating when u can't sleep knowing very well that you have to get up so early the next day. :(


Anyway, when he came back, suddenly he say he crave for KFC! We got into a debate.




Angel: No... It's late already
Devil: it's really delicious... imagine the crispyness
Angel: I should really sleep now... need to wake up at 4am
Devil: You can't sleep... maybe a piece of chicken wing, Hot & Spicy will put you to sleep
Angel: No money already, CNY is coming
Devil: Nvm, i'll buy you...
Angel: No..
Devil: com'on... it's really delicious, imagine, the hot smoke coming out when you peel of the tender meat, when you bite it, the juice will drip out
Angel: (cham... tempted de..) No...
Devil: the weather so hot, a nice coke will cool you down
Angel: NO.... (swallowing the saliva)
Devil: I know you are hungry...
Angel: It's late already
Devil: there's 24 hour KFC... I'll drive
Angel: ....
Devil: Original or Spicy?
Angel: #*$%#*(%$#$ Spicy pls...



no eyes to see... -_-"

Kua.. kua...kua.... the angel lost the debate! Ended up in KFC at 11pm and sleep at 12midnight; waking up at 4am.

Bridge Marathon

Bridge Marathon anyone?

I'll probably sit in the starting line and cry out loud!

Trust

How far can you trust a person?

I work in an online world. I get lots of insulting remarks from people oversea thinking that i'm here to con their money. The moment I mentioned that the call centre is based in Malaysia, the suspicious crawl straight right in into their mentality.

I'm not sure who should i feel sad for? Me, for not being trusted? or them, for being so shallow?

"Lord, give me plenty of patient to handle with these people, but at the same time, send someone to educate them please.."

an ANT-ful day

wah... yesterday was a nightmare!! the thought of it still send shivers down my spine.. brr...

Yesterday, evening, i kepo kepo took out a new fruit juicer that i won few months ago and have a peek inside, thinking might want to start to use once i source more fruits. Mana tau, once i open it, 1 ant crawl out, then another, then another... then when i took the whole machine out, wah lau eh.... whole army of ants are there...

I throw the box at the basin and ran into my room and scream for help... the response i got?

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................. ANTSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!
He: Ants nia mar.....

Then he laugh at me for screaming -_-"
Boys are so cruel sometimes

If you think this is the end... not yet....

So, after we clear of the ants in the juicer box, then we went out.

When we got back, he went straight in to toilet to do some "major investment" ,while i went to the kitchen to grab some milk. it's pitch dark in the kitchen and i didn't bother to switch on the light as once i open the fridge, there's the fridge light.

I took out a small box of milk, put in the straw and start to suck away happily. I went inside my room with the air-con blissfully blasting away (Thank God for people that invent the air-con!).

Ah... this is life, i think to myself... then i feel ticklish on my hand, i open my eyes...
WAH...... ANTS again..... this time I don't bother to scream anymore, cause

First, my housemate got visitor outside;
Second, I don't want him to laugh at me again; &
Third, if he did come to my rescue, ermm... i don't want he come out from the toilet with something stuck in between.. eww...

Anyway, i ran to the kitchen, throw the milk away, open up the fridge, & to my horrow, another bunch of ants are hiding underneath the milk box... ew..... then i open the kitchen cabinet, took out the food stuff (luckily not much food stuff inside). Inside 1 of the box, apparently, there's another bunch of ants inside there.... wah lau..... sOOOOOOOOoooooooo... super geli...

I ended up clearing all the food stuff, washing the milk boxes & store it inside the fridge & i lost my appetite... :s

horror....

Hungry

Hungry! Hungry! Hungry! Hungry! Hungry! Hungry! Hungry!

Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food!

Photo courtesy from Navy1048

tree overgrown

yesterday confirm PMS... every little bit of drives me nuts!

Yesterday after work, i drove home, wanted to park my car. then the neighbour's tree has overgrown and the branches soon are covering my car. I got a little bit irritated, but i rasionalise myself, got down from the car and just simply broke the tree branches and throw it back to the neighbour, you know.. just to let them know that it's time for them to trim their tree.

Mana tau, this indian uncle, walking out from somewhere, screaming at me and ask me what the hell i'm doing. Conversation as below (translated in English, BM not so good.. :p)

Uncle: Oi, what are you doing? throwing branches over to my house?
Me: your branches has overgrown and is covering my car. If one day, it fall & scratch my car how?
Uncle: Who say this is your parking slot? who gave you permission to park here?
Me: (fuming already) I paid for the bloody parking spot! you can check with the bloody management!
Uncle: mana grant!
Me: (blood boiling) this is your freaking tree, take care of it lar!
Uncle: If the tree want to grow that side, not my problem!
Me: (blood boiled even more!) ok. tak tau jaga pokok, jangan tanam lar!
*continue to break the tree branches. will saw the freaking tree down tomorrow!!!!!

See lar.... these kind of people also have! Last time my dad's rambutan tree overgrown de to neighbour's place, we some more feel so pai sei, took the freaking initiative to cut the tree down, give them rambutan to eat and say sorry... this uncle... argghh...

careless words

In the midst of my anger, i've called another human being (namely, my customers) mentally retarded. :s

things like this always happen because we are just mere human. we called people names, we indirectly make fun of them, we shot them with our sarcastic remarks thinking that we are much better than them.

Fon Ho showed very good example during our prayer retreat. Most of us will think that S is very childish in his action and his thinking, but Fon Ho somehow is very patient with him. For me, S is also getting on my nerves, though I didn't say anything about it, but the thoughts inside my head are enough to cause me to sin.

Daily Bread today says that everyone, literally EVERYONE is valuable in God's eye, therefore we shouldn't make fun of them.

We are never perfect, so what makes us so special to make fun of other people?

"Lord, remove this poisonous tongue from me, clear the sinful thoughts. Thank you for Your words in the Daily Bread, otherwise, I will still continue to sin. Continue to give me strength in this battle field! Amen"

How to calm me down:

buy me chocolate or chocolate ice cream! =D

no need expensive choc, but if u insist, i won't reject. Kit Kat will do fine too...

hehe..

Just had a nice Nestle Double Choc ice cream! me more peaceful now...hahaha....

sucker for choc...

Argghh!!!!!

Can i kill my customer??? please???? please???

urghh!!!!

Geram nya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not yet buy computer already ask about refund procedures... confirm problematic customer!!!

Are they MENTALLY CHALLENGED???!!!!

arggh!!!...

How to piss me off

BY COOKING FAKE SARAWAK LAKSA!!!!!!

ARgghh!!!!!!

No one puts cucumber inside Sarawak Laksa!

No one puts hard boiled egg inside Sarawak Laksa!

No one puts blended chilli for condiments!

No one puts a freaking bean curd inside the laksa!!!!!!

NO!!!!!!

I miss the REAL Sarawak Laksa!

I'm feeling like this now:

Love - 1 Corinthians 13

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails.

You showed this on a Hokkien movie yesterday.
I have none now... have mercy and give me some of those please?

He said...

i arrived at work within 5 minutes from my house, ran up the staircase & managed to log in at 4.59am!! hahaha!!! Penang's female version of michael Schumacher has been born! :p

On a serious note, we talked last night. We talked so much until I don't know where to start..

On himself,
He said that he don't like what has happen for the past 2 years.
He said that he has slacked alot for the past 2 years.
He said that he felt stuck here.

On myself,
He said that i need to sort my insecurity. I agreed
He said that i need to learn to trust God more. I agreed.

on our relationship,
He said that we need to have our own circle of friends. I agreed.
He said that we need to have the freedom to do own activities. I agreed.

Once move out,
he said that it will be good for us to search ourself again. I agreed.
He said that it will be good for us to draw closer to God. I agreed.
He said that it will be a test for our relationship. I agreed.
He said that it will be good to be seperated for the first few months. I kept quiet. I wept in silence.

Moving

He's moving out soon...

It's suppose to be a good thing, but my heart aches.

The first time he moved out didn't turn out well. We argued and he stormed out of our place. Probably that time we didn't really do it for God, we did it for ourself for more personal space.

Hopefully, with God's grace & mercy, we'll be fine..

Prayer Meeting

Me: What do u guys do in prayer meeting huh?
He: What does the name say?
Me: er.. prayer?
He: Then??!!!
Me: ..... -_-"

cheh... how do i know wor... maybe got discussion ler, 2 hours wor... pray for 2 hours mer?!
My longest time in praying also maybe 10 minutes?!

I think i have short attention span. if you asked me to close my eyes & pray for 2 hours, chances is you'll catch me with my eyes wondering ard or worst is sleeping away!! :s

Kua...kua...kua....

Psalm 64

Just as i complain about my workplace, God answer me in Psalm 64. Amen to that! :)


1 Hear me, O God, as I voice my complaint;
protect my life from the threat of the enemy.

2 Hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked,
from that noisy crowd of evildoers.

3 They sharpen their tongues like swords
and aim their words like deadly arrows.

4 They shoot from ambush at the innocent man;
they shoot at him suddenly, without fear.

5 They encourage each other in evil plans,
they talk about hiding their snares;
they say, "Who will see them [a] ?"

6 They plot injustice and say,
"We have devised a perfect plan!"
Surely the mind and heart of man are cunning.

7 But God will shoot them with arrows;
suddenly they will be struck down.

8 He will turn their own tongues against them
and bring them to ruin;
all who see them will shake their heads in scorn.

9 All mankind will fear;
they will proclaim the works of God
and ponder what he has done.

10 Let the righteous rejoice in the LORD
and take refuge in him;
let all the upright in heart praise him!

jealous

I saw her last Sunday.

Why do I have these stupid jealous feeling?
Why do I keep on dreaming about him cheating on me with her?
Is there some special sparks that I feel between the 2 of them?
Is it me or do i sense that she look at him in a different way?
Is it me or it's true that he totally ignore me when talking to her?
Of all the girls, why just her?
Am I insecure about myself?

Lord, if there’s nothing going between the 2 of them, please remove this jealousy out of my heart. It’s driving me nuts! However, if it’s real, show it to me, so that something can be done! It’s better to know now than later.

Not fair.. :(

I purposely don’t want to pick up my phone. It’s sooo not team-spirit, I know, but I guess they are too much. I should have followed Alexis example in the first place of never logging in for them.

I mean, this week, I’m working 5am, I took the trouble to wake up at freaking 4am to come to work on time, but they start work at 8am, like that also can come late.. like that also need people to log in for them. If 1 or 2 days in the whole week, ok lar, I close 1 eye lar, but this went on for the everyday!!! Some more late also not late 1 or 2 minutes, but for a freaking 10 – 30 minutes.. harlloo!!! Ur dad’s company ar?? Can like that one mer? Soo not fair.

Even both the manager & supervisor came earlier than them. The best part is, none of them say anything about this lateness. Just as a staff, what can I say? :(

Lord, work something about this. Please..

God is really real one...

I slept from 4pm Sunday afternoon to 4am Monday morning… haha.. =D

Came back from the retreat and never felt so good before. Tired of course but I don’t feel so frustrated about my life anymore.

A lot of times, God show Himself real to me. He appeared in my dream, direct me to His words and this time in the prayer retreat, I told Him that if it’s His calling to receive the Holy Spirit this time, please send someone to touch me. Well, he didn’t really send someone… but He touched me with a flag.. hehe

Dom told me on the way back that when he was worshipping time, he heard a sudden sound of running water, just like what they describe in the book that he’s reading now “Good Morning Holy Spirit”. When he open his eyes, I was on the floor de.. wow…

If anyone has doubt about the existance of God, trust me.. He's real.

action plan :(

Great… I’m in the action plan now for the next 1 month… sigh…

Target…target…target… money…money…money… the whole world concerns only about money.


Somebody, please grow me a money tree!!

I’m really tired; physically & mentally. My mind is running wild on how to make sure that I hit this month’s sales target; and the neck pain is taking away my sleep.

The UK Visa Application name card appears in front of me for the 2nd time after it went on a disappearing act since I took it from the British Council. Hmm.. maybe I should just check out the website, see what it has to say.

2 more hours to go before my one on one with my manager to discuss my action plan. Sigh.. This will be going on for the next 3 weeks…

I’m struggling to hit my target, I’m struggling to come to work, I’m struggling to change my mindset (my supervisor asked me to change my mindset, to be more aggressive)


huh? repeat that again?!

Arghh… I’m just plain frustrated with my life…

I'm a supporter...really ar?!

General Description
As a Supporter, you naturally thrive when given the opportunity to help, encourage, or cooperate with others. You make loyal friends and employees and gain fulfillment by helping make others successful.

Typical Areas of Strength
Supporters, like you, typically are excellent team players, at home or at work, due to your desire to cooperate, help others, listen, be patient, loyal, steady, and support the efforts of those in charge.

Typical Areas of Struggle
You may sometimes undermine your effectiveness by compromising too much, vacillating on important decisions, being too passive, resisting change, or compromising quality to protect the feelings of others.

Your Preferred Activities
Because you work at a steady pace, you demonstrate an excellent ability to follow through on projects. You cooperate well with others in order to complete activities.

Your Communication Style
You communicate best by using your superior relational and listening skills to convey care and compassion to people in need.

Open doors

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I saw 7 ray of light shining down from the sky. In my dream, I saw Jesus. He has a broken wings and he looked sad. What does it mean? Is God trying to tell me that he’s upset with me?

Ray of lights ?Jesus with wings? what does it mean?

I prayed for open doors to UK. I pray that me & Dom will be able to go UK to work, save money and go to other country to do business and to help in His mission work. The bible say in Isaiah 54:2 “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.”

So does that mean a “yes” from God?

Then I read the Daily Bread today and it says beware of Open Doors.

Which door Lord?

“Just because the Lord doesn’t stop us from something doesn’t mean He wants us to continue. To discern which opportunities to pursue, we need to “approve the things that are excellent” and to be “filled with the fruits of righteousness . . . to the glory and praise of God” (Phil. 1:10-11). “

Do you think it’s another “yes” from God so long as we serve His purpose?

“Lord, help me to understand You. Only Your way is the perfect way. Amen.”

Lost

Everyday I feel like quitting. Quitting my job and just get out of here. I know this job has brought me far, it help me get my little Myvi, my laptop, occasional spa & facial.

I hate my job… I seriously do. Previously I told people that I like my job is because of the money been paid to me. But now, it’s just not worth it. I think I’m going thru some dark moments of my life… damn..

I want to break free, I want to travel, I want to experience people’s culture, I want to get out of this small island. I hate this island. The traffic is crazy, the parking system is the most retarded.

Maybe I’ve ignore God’s word. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be here in the first place. I don’t’ know.

Why my heart keeps on calling me to overseas. Was it an influence by Dom, or by movies? Why UK especially? Not US, not China, Korea, Japan or any other part of the world?

Today’s daily bread talks about the importance of reading God’s word.

Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things from Your Law – Psalm 119.18

I think I should read Bible not just for the sake of reading but to really ponder about it. It’s my weakness when it comes to reading things. I tend to skip lines hoping I can finish it asap. This shouldn’t be done on reading bible. Bible = food for soul. No wonder my soul is hungry all the time because I’ve been skipping “meals”

I shouldn’t concentrate so much on improving my work ethic, though it’s important but I think improving myself is much more important.

"Lord, I’m tired. All doors seem out of reach and out of sight. Please Lord, open my eyes so I may see You, open my ears so I may hear Your words, open my heart so I may receive You. I’m confused. I’m lost. Help me Lord so I can get back on track. Amen."